Mom Chronicles #6

 

So, my little one is now 5. He's a very busy guy. He attends school grudgingly every day, he has a few hobby and sport classes that he does after school, he plays at home with lot of things and finally, in all his left over time, he attends Birthday Parties of his classmates. 

Now this is a whole Universe in itself - Birthday Party Universe.

You don't know anything about it until you are a parent. You have a kid who's an infant and you still don't know about this universe. 

Then your kid walks into school for the very first time and BAM!!! You are suddenly a key stakeholder in this universe!

It's privileged entry only. ;)

And once you enter, you realise this universe is actually a whirlpool. Enter once and forget there is an exit. 

It's a non-stop loop of birthday parties. You attend 50 parties - then you invite 60 - then you attend those 10 extra - by then it's time for the first 50 - then there are newer friends - then you invite old + new friends and then this is an unbelievable, irrational and infinite number and you can't keep up!

And oh, there is also the Gifts! Gifts you give, return gifts you get, Gifts you get, return gifts you give. And don't forget, there are boy gifts, girl gifts and the more acceptable gender neutral gifts. 

Then there's the type of Birthday Parties! Play area parties, time zone parties, hosted parties, home parties, spa parties, themed parties, activity parties, movie parties and I'm sure in time to come, there will be parties with the theme of 'not a party' !

Now here's where this Universe is tricky in our particular case. 

Half of the birthday parties my son and I have attended are because the mother of the birthday kid and I are friends and not because our children are friends!! :-) Can you believe it! 

You know me well enough to know that I find it 'relatively' easy to make new acquaintances. And if there is a vibe-match, I try my best to make a meaningful friendship out of it - one of the skills/perks of being a single child myself!! And since you know me, you somewhat know my child too - and you know that he's taken after his father in this particular area and lacks this skill/expertise to a very large extent ! 

My little chap struggles to make friends. He has a select few he adores passionately and then there are the rest. So being his parent and loaded with my own colourful insecurities, I go against conventional wisdom and try to bridge this gap for him. 

And that's how we find ourselves in birthday parties where he doesn't even know who the birthday kid is. 

This one time, we were gathered around the birthday Girl and the birthday cake and my child was suddenly enlightened and with a huge smile said :- ohhhhhh we have come for herrrrrrrrr birthday, yes yes mumma I know her! Imagine my surprise, happiness, relief and worry (that the parent might have overheard this) in that moment. I treated him and me to an extra piece of cake that day :-)

If I were miraculously invited on Koffee with Karan and in the rapid fire if he asked me to describe this year in one word, I'd add a word to it and say "birthday parties" ! That's how this year has been!

But it has translated into my little one finding a bit of a firm ground for himself in a crowd. It has helped him add a few more precious friends in his selective basket. It has helped him understand mumma has her own friends and sometimes, she too can eat the bigger piece of cake :-)

And in what's possibly the biggest return gift for me from this universe - it's made it easy for a 40 year old mumma to find like minded, fun loving, wise women, on whom she can rely on for some of the toughest moments of parenting! 

And so, CHEERS to this Universe that turns a mumma into a Momzilla and a kid into a Wondrous Mess Of Magic ✨

Ek garam Chai ya Mocha ho !

As usual it’s been a while. 

Every time I write a blogpost, I genuinely feel that I have now reached a point where thoughts and words are going to flow ever so easily and there are going to be posts after posts after posts. And every time I post a post and come back to write another post, I realise that there is no post but a drought of words and posts ! Sigh !

Yet, here I am, back after "post" drought for one more Post :-) 

I’m going to tell you about a morning which taught me an important life lesson!

It started with an encounter with a barista at a coffee shop that I visit regularly.

She didn’t look happy…. Her “Good Morning” was filled with disdain and displayed immense lack of interest in me. 

I asked for a cold brew - because I am cool like that :-)

She responded with “Chhee” ! And a look of horror on her face..

Me (shocked and err a bit scared): Excuse me? 

She: Cold brew kyu? - with that same disdain…

Me: Ok, so what then, if I shouldn’t take cold brew…… with a quivering voice and fake courage…

She, defiantly: I don’t know ma’am, it’s your choice….. 

At this point, my brain wasn’t sure if she was giving me a hint about how cold brew was bad there or she was just angry with my choice and wanted me to pick another. If you know me, you know I am a die-hard people pleaser and often I don’t consider myself one of those people to be pleased. So I gave in and asked for “chai tea latte”. 

She: Madam aapka choice hai, dekh lo!

Me: Bye! And turned around to go back to my table at astonishing speed!

I decided that this was the best way ahead for me. It was God who was indirectly discouraging me from having a cold brew with outside water. Maybe it wasn’t the right choice in monsoon. I made my peace with God’s voice and sat at the table drinking hot water that I had from home. 

The barista on the other hand was a bit scared. She felt that this could potentially lead to a complaint, so she came to my seat and tried small talk and offered a cold brew. By this point, I had disavowed cold brew from my life itself. But curiosity got the better of me and I asked her why she reacted like that. She said in a softer tone that she had gotten completely drenched in the rain while on her way to work and the thought of a cold drink instantly evoked that sentiment, but she shouldn’t have said it out loud. I could understand…. Mumbai monsoons are crazy. They are wild and dirty. Not a combination for rain, of all things :-)

I sympathised and she left. She came back in ten mins, sat at my table and got us 2 piping hot mochas - Meri taraf se ma’am - let’s enjoy :)

That was a wonderful morning right there :-)

I left from there in a zippy mood. Tea and good company was a great combination!

I walked up to the auto stand where I was instantly rejected by a few autowallahs who wanted to go to the moon but I had so stupidly asked to be dropped to Bandruhhh! 

One guy said aajao madam, sabne hi mana kar diya. I have a feeling he was mocking me - but I had also lost any will to fight by then ……. I was in his auto for 17 mins, but “Yeh satra minute” were full of lessons. 

He asked me why I was in such a rush, I said I had to pick up my son from school and I was running a bit late.

As soon as I sat in his auto, he started talking loudly on the phone with someone, the conversation was filled liberally with ingenious profanities. He was actually arguing heatedly, about the colour of paint that the person at the other end had chosen for some important wall at home. Argument had turned into an impasse, when he suddenly threatened to not buy chicken for that night. After a moment of deafening silence, the other person relented. 

I was impressed at the power of chicken.

This guy was happy and victorious and he smiled at me and said, madam chicken sab cheez theek kar deta hai. I smiled back marvelling at what had unfolded. He asked aap nahi khaate? I said No. He was annoyed:- “kya hi faayda phir”. 

He stopped talking to me after that. He looked unhappy too. I couldn’t believe I had spoiled someone’s mood just by not eating chicken. We stopped at a signal and he bought tea for himself from a vendor and drank it in one shot. I could see it was really hot, but well, this level of anger at me had made him immune to heat, it seems. 

By the time we reached my destination, his mood had lightened and I think he decided to forgive me, thanks to that hot tea. He said chalo koi nahi madam. Lekin ek request hai- aapke ladke ko aap jaisa mat banaao madam, usko life mein chai aur chicken zaroor khilaana! Kyunki dukh to bohot hai, lekin khushi isi mein hai !! And zoomed off yelling more profanities on other autos and cars around. 

It was a busy morning mentally for me. The two people I had encountered, had had to deal with issues at their own end, had decided to judge me from their own loaded lens, but the common placating factor for both of them, was a hot, nicely brewed cuppa. 

So, as I stood thinking about them in the school pick-up line, I realised that truly there are many trials and tribulations in life, problems and issues being hurled at you at breakneck speed, but what do they really hold to a good cup of well brewed hot tea or coffee eh ….. chicken notwithstanding :) :)

Ek garam chai ya mocha ki pyaali ho! 

A Date!

 

My week day mornings are frantic. It’s because a tiny human has to get to school on time.

I wake up groggy - ever so dearly pining for just 5 mins more of deep sleep. But alas. My needs take a royal backseat. I somehow manage to push through the morning chores and brace myself. 

The next part is tough.

I have to awaken THE tiny little person. Now this person is mercurial. Some days are sunshine and roses. He’ll wake up with a huge smile and a hug and share fresh anecdotes about his dreams. Most Other days, it’s like the dragon pulled you down his dungeon. He’s angry, upset and totally betrayed by his mother who dares to wake him. And for what……School?? You must be kidding him!!!

But well, we gotta do what we gotta do! So I seek patience from the Force. Because guess what, I’ve already lost it a couple of times in a span of ten minutes.

After a lot of talks, negotiations, threats and ultimately literal begging, he relents. He gets up, drudges through the chores and somehow gets ready in time, give or take a few precious morning minutes. 

I've known of a lot of homes and families which play devotional songs in the mornings and it’s a beautiful hum and background music to the whole house. In my house though, you'll hear the constant hum of things like “just eat that” or “no you can’t throw food on the floor; Empty threats like  “pick that uppppp or else….” ; “no you can’t go to school in your night suit”; “yes you are a boy not a car” and more such interesting things.

But anyway, we are out the door and on the way to school. The journey to school is another chapter in convincing arguments and negotiations. I am beginning to thank my stars that I didn’t choose a career in law because every morning is epic evidence of how I am so bad at it. 

The actual moment when I drop him off at school though, is poignant. He feels miserable. I feel sad. We hold hands for a second more than required. He has moist eyes and I have an emotional lump in my throat. His eyes and ears are longing for me to say “chuck school today, let’s go home” …. But that doesn’t happen. He walks in slowly, deliberately and with a tinge of disappointment at how his morning has gone so far. I watch him. I feel like bringing him back and telling him chuck school today, let’s go home!! But that doesn’t happen na :( 

And so, he goes in. I linger a little longer …. I don’t know why. 

But then I leave too.

Now the next few hours are mine and only mine. Till I go back to my boss of 4 years, I am a free person. Well, it’s a date alright :)

I go for a yoga class sometimes and stretch and move to provide some much needed TLC to my ageing, aching muscles and joints. 

Sometimes I go and see my erstwhile staff members - they are also called my parents. You see, not too long ago, I was the boss and they were the captives, working day and night like I’m doing now as karma comes back in form of a tiny person of my womb :) They let me live the illusion of a bygone life, even if for just a few hours :)

Then there are those days when I meet my friends. Oh ! This, I must tell you, is one of my favourite things to do on a date with myself. These rendezvous are the joie de vivre of my life. They remind me of the girl I am before I became the girlfriend, before I became the wife, before I became the mother! They remind me life is simple and joyous when you share a wonderful, throaty laugh over an absolutely silly age old joke with people that matter.

And then there are days, when I spend those hours with just myself! I find a cozy spot in a restaurant or cafe, I order something completely and sinfully loaded with calories or a green tea, there is just no in-between. So whatever the mood, I order food accordingly and sit :) I watch people around, I think of how so many lives meet and intertwine with each other every day and how everything, just everything enriches us every day! I philosophically remember my carefree teens and twenties and how I really feel like a different person before and after the birth of my little one. 

I think of how my best friend has evolved with me from being my college classmate, to a person of interest, to someone I dated and then married, and is now an awesome father! Then I remember the little fights we have ever so often and make a mental note to give him the silent treatment till he apologises for whatever has happened (whosoever’s fault it may be).

Then as I casually glance at my watch, I’m reminded that it’s time to get back on duty and fetch my tiny boss. And so, I save this document and remind myself to publish it on my blog, for you to know, how I date myself for a few hours, everyday :)

A question about travel!

You know, travel is magical. Of course you know that! 

It’s magical, it’s amazing, it’s eye-opening, it’s enthralling! It’s hard work, it’s complex some times and oh! With a kid! It’s EXHAUSTING ! Bone tiring! 

And hence, after you are a parent, travel is a mixed bag  But it’s a happy problem because you are basically running away from your problems with some different problems to a different set of problems and it’s temporary and it’s a problem you are happy to solve  Hahahaha I read that again myself! Ramblings of a different level! But that’s for a different blog post altogether!

This time, I am here to tell you about my very random thoughts and questions on travel. 

You know, I have realized this about myself – I become a different person when I travel. 

For some strange reason, I feel different physically when I travel. I feel taller than I am, much much thinner than I actually am and I seem to think I have hair like a shampoo-commercial model. I walk with a spring in my step. Oh my god you should see me in the airport – I walk with an air of over confidence. I walk a taller, thinner and as if I were a very hot person – but in reality, it’s a like looking at a confused, forever rushing and scared fat cat. But yeah – that’s how I feel. But I also have my heart beat very fast and hard. I don’t know what it is about airports and planes – I feel extremely over-confident and very very scared and doubtful all at the same time.

Imagine, then, how I feel when that bubble bursts and I get “randomly” picked (Every single time) for a pat down or open-bags-and-recheck or when customs decides to ask me special questions – for which I don’t seem to have any easy answers! 

This once I was travelling to Singapore and the customs person, in all normalcy, asked me why I was going to Singapore. My mind messed up at that exact moment. Like it froze and then melted real quick and I answered with a very weird expression – TOURISM ! Yep! Tourism! Not holiday or vacation – Tourism! 

Well, now it was his turn to look weird. He saw me for a moment and held my eye for more than a few uncomfortable seconds. Then he got up! Oh no! I was going to be there a really long time! I saw my husband and son clear customs in less than 10 seconds and walk over onto the greener pasture. While I waited here for an uncertain few moments. Then that person returned with another colleague and both had weird expressions on their faces. This time the other colleague asked me the same question – but this time I knew the correct answer. I said I was going on a holiday with my family and optimistically pointed to them on the other side.

They seemed satisfied. By then my false tall height had returned to my regular factual height and now I started feeling fatter than what I already was! It felt like a thud! 

I thought the ordeal was over – but it obviously wasn’t! They asked me another question – “How many days are you going for” ! That was it ! I was brimming with tears at this point. I was only going for a week and all I needed to do was tell them that. They were both looking at me. I am confident one of them had a small smile beginning to form on his face. The other one was a bit irritated. I needed to say 7 days or a week. 

But what did I say? 

I said “one-fourth of a month”! 

Suffice to say, that sent them into a brainless tizzy. They spent a lot of time talking to each other in hushed tones and deliberated on some issue for almost 5-6 minutes. Passengers behind me in the serpentine queue were beginning to wonder what was wrong with me – they were a mix of irritated, annoyed and also curious! 

Ahh well, but some good karma caught up at that perfect moment for me. The customs personnel had deemed it fit for me to travel despite the amazing answers I gave them. 

But before sending me over to the happy side – the irritated person gave me parting advice – “udhar jaake tourism mat bol dena, India mein hi holiday karna padega phir for one-fourth of the time” and then both of them guffawed and high-fived each other. 

Mom Chronicles #5

I have been wanting to write a post here for a really long time. I have tried to write many times too but get nowhere. Either I get too overwhelmed and cry half way through the post or I just don’t find the right words to express my thoughts – soooooo I have not been able to write :-)

But, here I am again, trying to put some words together sensibly to make a worthy blog post!

Did you know that tiny human beings are constantly listening to adults? They are grasping at all the words, sentences and meanings they can. It might not look like they are listening – they might be busy playing their own little games while you are talking – but they have super-powers in their ears. Their ears multi-task! They listen all the time and then use their ultimate superpower – use this knowledge back on you at an unbelievably sticky time! There’s no escaping this.

Let me tell you how!

Those that know me, know I have a thing for food :-) It’s a love story. One sided maybe – but I am passionately in love with food. My stomach doesn’t approve of this affair many a times – so I do end up dealing with it’s tantrums by way of acidity :-) And hence, I also have a thing for Gelusil ! I speak of this quite often to my husband, oblivious to the fact that there are more listening ears than intended :-)

I had some relatives over a few weeks ago. Of them were two energetic nephews who dote over my little one. They were playing some planet stuff while all of us adults were seated around them and chit-chatting. In what can only be described as a moment of profound teaching, the older nephew started telling my son about the Sun. “You know, The Sun is made up of gas and hot air and it’s the biggest part of our solar system!!!” My son looked at his older brother with limitless admiration in his eyes but then suddenly something clicked. He responded with “Ohhhhhh woooohhhhh Sunnnnnn. Arrrrreeeyyyyy meri mumma ko bhi bohotttttt gas hota hai aur papa unko immediately gelusil de dete hai. Matlab mumma Sun hai???”
This was followed by pin-drop silence for a few horrendous seconds and then there was LOUD and continuous laughter, of course, with all eyes on me! I laughed too – albeit forcibly. To save face!
What followed was then an array of home remedies, tricks and ideas to deal with my sunny problem! And while all this was happening, the little munchkin of mine had come back into the room with the bottle of gelusil so that his Sun could burp off the hot air!!

In another instance, he thought it was okay to let his class teacher know that an uncle of mine, in Chennai, was old and his bag was torn.  This was because he had overheard a one-sided conversation I was having with said uncle on the phone! The uncle doesn’t have a torn bag!

He also thought it necessary to tell his grandfather – a man who is 70 years his senior – that he must change his ways! In actual words – “Thatha needs to change his behaviour”. So unprompted and soooooo hilarious ….. but well, he had heard his grandma say this to grandpa many times and he used it at the opportune moment when he was denied something by Thatha.

That’s how this little kid rolls. And I know that ALL kids roll this way. Hehehehehe.

We’ve started being careful of what we talk around him. Because we’ve had some funny but many embarrassing situations.

It’s been the hardest on my husband, who is a regular user of certain choice expletives as part of daily conversation :-) So imagine his plight when my son reacted with a loud “F**k it” on dropping his favourite vehicle in the middle of an office conference call :-)

Mom Chronicles #4

 When you have a kid, you spend approximately 99.67% of your time talking to said kid/s. It includes the time you are sleeping and talking to them in dreams or when they are in school and you are mentally planning the day for them or pre-empting their mistakes and tricks and planning around it, etc. 

So, in a nutshell, you're always talking to them. 

And you use a certain mom-language to do it. It's got modulations and frequencies. Like there is a frequency which instantly gets them disciplined, even if only for a second. Or the one where they know they have you wrapped around their tiny little finger!

When I talk to mine, I have observed that I end sentences with an endearment for him. Like bachu, kanna, beta, laddoo, baby, guddu, darling, and so on and so forth. 

If I'm annoyed with him, angry or frustrated or just plain helpless, I stick to his name! But with that modulation I told you about. That is enough for him to understand that he's entering sticky territory. 

Most often he'll defy it and there'll be war like few minutes. It doesn't diffuse on its own you know. It's a huge lesson on how fragile egos can be; Specially in parent-child conflicts and mind games. And boy, let me tell you, kids are unbelievably talented manipulators!!!! They know their way around very well. They also have different tactics for different people and different situations. Little imps, I tell you!

But I digress! Point being, we all speak a certain way with kids. And very often it percolates in our conversations with others too!

- I end up calling my husband 'bachu' sometimes, only to be met with very displeased glances and disapproval from the MIL (he he he)

- sometimes I call my maid 'guddu' and see her guffaw uncontrollably

- I called the neighbour lady "beta" ! She's at least two decades older to me!

You get the drift! These are regular minor ones and I tide over it and sometimes repeat these and move on like a boss!

But it was a slightly anxious encounter when I called a car-reselling-telemarketer 'baby' .... He was thrilled! He called me again the next day to just check if I had changed my mind and if I was now ready to sell a car I don't even have! 

Oh baby! 

Mom Chronicles #3

You know how kids are! 

They're INSANE - insanely adamant, insanely argumentative, insanely curious and insanely INSANELY CUTE! And only because they're THIS addddooorrraaabbbllleee and cute, are we able to put up with their other insanities !! Hahaha... At least that's been my theory about kids since the time I have one :-)

They constantly feel emotions and feelings and react to everything around them. I mean, anything can make them ecstatic...... Bubbles, words, farts, a colour, handkerchief, a moving curtain, fan, someone walking, sneeze, tree leaves, etc. 

Similarly, anything can tick them off and set them on a crazy spiral of anger, frustration and incessant, overflowing, unstoppable tears. This becomes more intense as they grow from the infancy stage. They're more in control and aware of their feelings and hence express it, without filter, all the time, at rattling speed.

Take for example, my three year old! 

Yesterday he went berserk because while giving him a bath, I dared to lift the red mug with my left hand. Left hand!!!! How could I? Why did I do that? I didn't even bother to think before doing it and nor did I inform him about my upcoming action. This was a punishable offence as far as he was concerned. So, I had to, of course, apologize to him, the red mug, my right hand and the soap (why the soap you ask - because it was the sorry witness of my sin, maybe)! And after the bath, I had to give him red and blue colour gems as MY punishment. 

Or that one time when the online school was celebrating "Independence Day". Well! What can I say! HOW DARE THEY! Colour a flag you said? Sing the National Anthem you said? I mean, what kind of a devil should one be to even think of celebrating such a thing! That there were tears, is an absolute understatement. The scar from that celebration lasted a solid one hour. I couldn't even find out what exactly made him so unhappy about independence day. Especially because, a few hours after this, he HIMSELF sat and coloured the flag and even tried to wear it on his shirt with excitement!

There was this once when he cried, cried a little more, wailed and sobbed uncontrollably for ten mins - because I said "WOW" as a happy reaction to a "painting" he had made. I can't even explain this to anyone. After ten mins though, he looked so cheerful and regular, that one could have easily thought the crying child was maybe a twin! Hehehehe!

That's how they are! Insanely crazy! Always brimming with energy, ideas, thoughts, feelings - big big feelings, emotions, questions (my goodness .... the sheer volume of questions!!!!), plans, etc etc.

They are like this ALL THE TIME ! They sleep only because physically God has (thankfully) designed it so! Otherwise, ALL the kids I know, DON'T want to sleep. Why waste all that time when you can just ask questions or do something silly or watch a feather fly! 

Or better still, FART, spend ten mins laughing and then suddenly cry, because you didn't want to fart at that time!!!!! :-)