The Replacement Cook!

I had a replacement cook a few days ago. My full time cook was on a "going-to-village" holiday for 20 WHOLE DAYS with her family. So, with great difficult I found someone who agreed to come at a time convenient for us.

So, here's Vandana Maushi - The Replacement Cook! Forty some-thing, about 4 feet tall, stick thin, wears the biggest glasses available on earth, has a short crop and is in a foul mood at all times. We decided that she'd come daily at 7.15 am to help me pack lunch for my husband.

But not for a single day did she arrive before 8.30 am. That's not all, despite being so late, she'd walk in with an air of arrogance and attitude. If I so much as mustered up the courage and asked her why she was late, she'd reply with utmost disgust that she's not used to waking up so early AND that I shouldn't do "itna kit-kit"! Hmmmmm!!

She definitely acted like she was doing me a huge favour and that I should be indebted to her and obliged to do as she wants. Maybe she was right, but I'm also paying her salary (and not a small amount) for this adjustment that she's making for me and I do expect her to work well at least as much as the worth of the salary. But this logic was lost on her.

She expected me to cut vegetables and keep them ready for her to come and turn it into a curry.

She despised making the Rotis - "aaj phir se roti banaane ka? chaawal nahi khaate kya".

She would never follow instructions:
Maushi, Bhindi ko lamba lamba kaatna - you'll find them cut into small round pieces!
Kadhi mein tamatar mat daalna - the kadhi would have tomatoes!
Moong daal banaana - You'd be eating Toor Dal!
She wouldn't put coriander on veggies and dal - "aap daalo na itna hai to"!

She liked cucumbers - many times I caught her brazenly eating them from MY fridge!

She had told me that she will have Tea daily as soon as she finishes her work. This was her condition while we were discussing 'joining terms'! But on most days, she wouldn't wait till work was done to have her tea. Many a times, she would even command "Maajhya chahaa saathi paani theva" (boil water for my tea). The Tea would be made with more milk and less water, 2 spoonfuls of Tea powder and FOUR spoons sugar - surely uninitiated to the concept of diabetes!! Even the style in which she had the Tea was amusing. She'd have the fan on full speed, lean lazily on the washing machine at one end of the kitchen and very very leisurely, sip on the Tea - what with all the sipping noises too. She just should NOT be disturbed during Tea time. She'd transform into a demon!

But things got to a head. She was way too arrogant for the work she did and didn't do it right when did do some work. She also didn't really do much work - I ended up doing most of it so that food would be ready on time. So I decided to have a candid conversation with her. I walked into the kitchen to take the bull by it's horns. As luck would have it, she was in the middle of her Tea session - Yikes!! So I told her, in the softest voice I could physically come up with - that she needs to start coming on time and to make food as instructed. Her reaction took me by shock - not even surprise. She smiled - and continued sipping tea. I was thinking maybe she's totally intoxicated by the tea and things I said haven't registered in her mind. So I waited for 2 minutes before asking her if she was ok with what I said. She smiled. Again. But this time she also said "Ghaabru naka - mee karin" (Don't worry, I'll do it). I don't know if that assured me or scared me more. But I decided to take things at face value and left.

Next morning, she didn't turn up. I wasn't surprised. I was half expecting that. So I called her on her mobile several times - it rang endlessly. I gave up and did whatever work had to be done for that day. She didn't turn up for any of the days after that. But I still kept calling her mobile.
No! I wasn't calling her to ask her to come to work. But for what it's worth, we did eat the food she cooked for us and that did take us through some uncomfortable, hot days with happiness and satisfaction. I owed her the salary for the days she did come and cook. I wanted to give it to her and hence, I kept calling. But she wouldn't answer.

She was smart ! She knew her salary was safe. She also knew by when my full time cook was expected to return. She must have thought that if she answered my call before the designated return date of my full timer, she may just be forced to work. So coolly, she hoped to stay away from me till then.

I had given up. And I went on with my daily routine. I was counting down to when my cook would return and I'd go back to living life in all it's glory.

And then one morning, I stepped out to buy stuff from the market. It was terribly hot. Moods were flaring. Taxis, buses and cars were honking incessantly on the roads. And I was making my way amidst all this. And suddenly, I spotted her. There she was! Vandana Maushi! Munching away on cucumbers coolly in the middle of all the chaos. Without even thinking, I ran towards her and asked her why she didn't come to work or why she hadn't returned my calls. She stopped munching, looked at me for a second and then said, in her trade-mark disgust "Kaakdi khaate, Nantar kadhitari boluya" (I'm eating cucumbers, we shall talk later sometime). Then she went back to munching the cucumbers and looked through me like I was invisible.

I got it. I looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed this royal insult. And turned around and walked away as fast I could from there. I contemplated turning around and giving her the salary - but guts and courage had betrayed me by then. I sprinted away from there.

She did come by that evening to take her salary. She was extremely friendly. She didn't argue much with the adjusted amount I handed to her. She even smiled..... I think....
She seemed to have forgotten what she really had done. She even tried small talk with me about the price of lemons being very high. The fact that I was being rude and curt with her didn't bother her much. I was trying to end the conversation and signal her to leave - but she stayed put.

And then, just when I was wondering what kept her stuck to the chair despite receiving the monies, she demanded - "Ek cup Chahaa dyaa" !!!