Lies, Fake Stories and Exaggerations I have mastered!
It all started when I had a baby. There were these “reflex’ white lies …
- Are you sleeping as soon as the baby sleeps – oh yes I am !
- There’s no such thing as post-partum blues or depression – of course there isn’t !
- Hope you have started working on yourself and all the extra weight – Yes I barely eat !
- Hope you eat everything and aren’t already thinking of weight loss – Yes .. Everything !
- Hope you aren’t swaddling the poor child – No I am not !
- Hope you swaddle him every time he sleeps – Yes Yes !
Then there were exaggerations!
- I am so happy that the moment the baby closes his eyes to sleep, I fall into deep sleep myself and wake up only when he opens his eyes! Not a second on the mobile/TV or any other thing!
- I am eating all the laddoos in the world and haven’t put on a single kg of weight!
- I don’t have any issues with breastfeeding and latching – come on! I was born to do this!
- Etc, Etc.
I thought this was all there was to it. But Boy was I wrong!!
Now I have reached a higher level of lies, exaggerations and fake stories!
- Moon uncle had called to say you must brush your teeth EVERY. DAY.!
- Sun uncle is crying because you are not eating and that’s why it is raining! Those are Sun uncle's tears!
- Dinosaur aaya thha dekhne ki munna abhi tak soya ki nahi!
- Yes – I always eat everything that is cooked whether I like it or no!
- Yes – I always sleep at 8pm!
- When I was 2, I even cooked my own food!
- Lion aa gaya!
- Modi uncle ne lockdown kar diya fridge ka!
- Cleaning Uncle ate up ALL the wafers!
- Yeh Chai nahi hai – Dragon ka juice hai! Don’t touch it!
- This is not medicine – Yeh to meetha yellow colour ka juice hai!
- Mumma’s mobile is a gun!
And so on and on and on, every single day! While it is hilarious on most days, it’s also a bit exhausting because soon even these lies aren’t going to work on this small, adorable but extremely adamant and stubborn little being. And the scary bit is that he remembers these lies while I forget them the instant they leave my mouth.
I was having tea with the hubby one afternoon. He came running to me and slapped the glass of tea away in horror saying “mumma noooo – daaaaaagon juuuuiiiicceee”!!
