Random Questions?

Why aren’t Chocolates, Cheese, Potatoes, Mangoes, Butter, Puris, Bhajjiyas, Pastries, Cakes and Doughnuts super foods? Why isn’t it compulsory to have these daily, without fail? Why aren’t these, the weight loss, health building, nutrient supplying, vitamins and protein rich foods?

Why is sleeping 12 hours every day not the best exercise for great health, peace and happiness?

Why are taking lifts and elevators not the best ways to lose weight and remain fit?

Why are holidays not the norm of life? Why is ‘perma-vacationing’ not a full time, high salary paying, amazing job that everyone MUST do?

Why can’t men have babies? Why can’t men have periods?

Why can’t I, with my husband and children, stay with my parents after I marry? As a regular practice.

Why can’t this world be completely free of diseases?

Why can’t birds, bees and animals all have their own green habitats without us encroaching it?

Why can’t we all have one religion? Or have no religion at all?

Why can’t we all have faith? In the force. And most importantly, In each other.

Why can’t everyone be nice and happy? Why can’t there be no jealousy and envy?

Why can’t everyone have good intentions?

Why can’t we have a world that’s absolutely safe for it's women?

Why can't there be equal freedom for Men and Women?

Why can’t there be zero crime? ZERO.

Why can’t every child receive education that is rightfully theirs?

Why can’t there be absolute law and order always?

Why can’t everyone have a house to live in, food to eat and water to drink?

Why can’t there be nil corruption?

Why can’t we all just be one big happy world?

.... Ah well!

God has answers to so many of these inane questions and that’s OK. I can do without knowing them... I’ll eat in moderation, sleep in moderation and just holiday whenever it’s possible :)

But a lot of these questions – have answers here, in our midst. And it’s time these are answered and corrected as necessary. Immediately.

Inaction, unfortunately and automatically leads to a lazy, intolerant, ill-meaning, crime-supporting society and we all must guard against becoming that society!

Are we already that? I hope not! But if we aren't, it looks like we are headed towards that – and that, is Doomsday!

Of auto-corrected words and the subsequent madness!

I use a smart-phone! It's so convenient. The world shrinks into just that much. It's become so easy to stay in touch with people, to know of the latest happenings as soon as it happens across the world, learn new things (not referring to the terrible IIN ad), etc. I love it. I am hooked to it (amma and appa use the word "addiction" more often about my relationship with my phone). But still, I love it.

So amongst my favourite apps is Whatsapp :-) It's helped me keep in touch with soooo many friends and relatives all over the world. It also helps my non-stop chattering - I find some one willing to talk to me all day :-) I use the 'swipe' function in it to allow me to chat fast and furiously. There are times when I chat with 6-7 people at one go. So, speed and auto-correct are two very important things in my life.

But with the upsides, there are the downsides too! Swipe and auto-correct are my 'Frenemies'! They destroy as much as they create. So what happens basically is that when you swipe over alphabets, it gives you suggestions from the dictionary. But I am SO fast that I barely look at the suggestions before they are onto the chat. Yes, that's my fault. But you give some and you get some, naa!

As a result, many times, there are terrible auto-corrects. Sample this:
Instead of:
Hi, How are you - It'll be: Hip How are yuppy
Or
What did you have for lunch would become What did toy gave for lunch
Or
Did you buy that dress would go as Did you bite that free
or the more devastating
Hi Bhindi instead of Hi Vijay. (Yes, this has happened!)

The madness that ensues after this is more madness. People laugh, they crack jokes on me, some even wonder how this could happen and try it at their end. But one such auto-corrected conversation took the cake.

I was exchanging messages with my BOSS on a very important assignment. We were discussing important theories on healthcare in India. So I sent THIS without reading "Healthcare in India is at a very important juncture and we must push the need to create as many mid-sized brothels in the country as possible to shrink the gap in the infra versus population space".
I felt so smart. I had made a statement - such a damn good one at that. And I sat with the phone in my hand waiting for some great appreciation from Boss :)
After what felt like 20 years, Boss replied: "Okkk :-) Don't you think brothels will compound this issue and not address it".

Now this left me wondering. I started thinking that maybe the Boss was slightly sleepy, creepy or might I say, Drunk. Or maybe, he was multi-chatting and sent me the wrong message, or maybe this is some extremely profound analogy from him meant to test my intelligence. Yes, this must be it! He's doubting my double-masters brain! No Sir, Not a Chance!!!!!!

Because, suddenly loaded with immense intelligence, I wrote back: "It depends, Sir. While on the face of it, it looks like the problem will be compounded, it actually will help the healthcare situation in this country by reducing crimes".

Wow!! I had done it. I thought I should re-read the entire conversation and give myself the satisfaction of seeing the amazing-ness that is me!

And simply, I saw what I had typed! OBVIOUSLY, it was supposed to be Hospitals instead of Brothels. You knew it when you read it, right!

I had goosebumps and I felt the promotion slipping away. I had to do something. So I called up Boss immediately to explain the error - but all I could hear was him and a bunch of people in the background howling with laughter! They knew! Whatsapp knew! And even people on Boss's FaceBook now knew!

That I became a joke in office for generations to come is an understatement. When I quit from there, people spoke about it as a reference event. Like this: "Yaar when did we do that XYZ project - was it before or after the brothel auto-correct".

But I chinned up. I smiled, took it in my stride and continued chatting with the whole world.

And just like that, I informed my new Boss of my arrival with "Hi Sir, I'll be reaching half an hour late today since I'm stuck in Quack". Go Figure!