Mom Chronicles #4

 When you have a kid, you spend approximately 99.67% of your time talking to said kid/s. It includes the time you are sleeping and talking to them in dreams or when they are in school and you are mentally planning the day for them or pre-empting their mistakes and tricks and planning around it, etc. 

So, in a nutshell, you're always talking to them. 

And you use a certain mom-language to do it. It's got modulations and frequencies. Like there is a frequency which instantly gets them disciplined, even if only for a second. Or the one where they know they have you wrapped around their tiny little finger!

When I talk to mine, I have observed that I end sentences with an endearment for him. Like bachu, kanna, beta, laddoo, baby, guddu, darling, and so on and so forth. 

If I'm annoyed with him, angry or frustrated or just plain helpless, I stick to his name! But with that modulation I told you about. That is enough for him to understand that he's entering sticky territory. 

Most often he'll defy it and there'll be war like few minutes. It doesn't diffuse on its own you know. It's a huge lesson on how fragile egos can be; Specially in parent-child conflicts and mind games. And boy, let me tell you, kids are unbelievably talented manipulators!!!! They know their way around very well. They also have different tactics for different people and different situations. Little imps, I tell you!

But I digress! Point being, we all speak a certain way with kids. And very often it percolates in our conversations with others too!

- I end up calling my husband 'bachu' sometimes, only to be met with very displeased glances and disapproval from the MIL (he he he)

- sometimes I call my maid 'guddu' and see her guffaw uncontrollably

- I called the neighbour lady "beta" ! She's at least two decades older to me!

You get the drift! These are regular minor ones and I tide over it and sometimes repeat these and move on like a boss!

But it was a slightly anxious encounter when I called a car-reselling-telemarketer 'baby' .... He was thrilled! He called me again the next day to just check if I had changed my mind and if I was now ready to sell a car I don't even have! 

Oh baby! 

Mom Chronicles #3

You know how kids are! 

They're INSANE - insanely adamant, insanely argumentative, insanely curious and insanely INSANELY CUTE! And only because they're THIS addddooorrraaabbbllleee and cute, are we able to put up with their other insanities !! Hahaha... At least that's been my theory about kids since the time I have one :-)

They constantly feel emotions and feelings and react to everything around them. I mean, anything can make them ecstatic...... Bubbles, words, farts, a colour, handkerchief, a moving curtain, fan, someone walking, sneeze, tree leaves, etc. 

Similarly, anything can tick them off and set them on a crazy spiral of anger, frustration and incessant, overflowing, unstoppable tears. This becomes more intense as they grow from the infancy stage. They're more in control and aware of their feelings and hence express it, without filter, all the time, at rattling speed.

Take for example, my three year old! 

Yesterday he went berserk because while giving him a bath, I dared to lift the red mug with my left hand. Left hand!!!! How could I? Why did I do that? I didn't even bother to think before doing it and nor did I inform him about my upcoming action. This was a punishable offence as far as he was concerned. So, I had to, of course, apologize to him, the red mug, my right hand and the soap (why the soap you ask - because it was the sorry witness of my sin, maybe)! And after the bath, I had to give him red and blue colour gems as MY punishment. 

Or that one time when the online school was celebrating "Independence Day". Well! What can I say! HOW DARE THEY! Colour a flag you said? Sing the National Anthem you said? I mean, what kind of a devil should one be to even think of celebrating such a thing! That there were tears, is an absolute understatement. The scar from that celebration lasted a solid one hour. I couldn't even find out what exactly made him so unhappy about independence day. Especially because, a few hours after this, he HIMSELF sat and coloured the flag and even tried to wear it on his shirt with excitement!

There was this once when he cried, cried a little more, wailed and sobbed uncontrollably for ten mins - because I said "WOW" as a happy reaction to a "painting" he had made. I can't even explain this to anyone. After ten mins though, he looked so cheerful and regular, that one could have easily thought the crying child was maybe a twin! Hehehehe!

That's how they are! Insanely crazy! Always brimming with energy, ideas, thoughts, feelings - big big feelings, emotions, questions (my goodness .... the sheer volume of questions!!!!), plans, etc etc.

They are like this ALL THE TIME ! They sleep only because physically God has (thankfully) designed it so! Otherwise, ALL the kids I know, DON'T want to sleep. Why waste all that time when you can just ask questions or do something silly or watch a feather fly! 

Or better still, FART, spend ten mins laughing and then suddenly cry, because you didn't want to fart at that time!!!!! :-)